In preparation for a rebirth
Lotsa things happened over this long weekend. Starting with Grace's 21st bday party. The BBQ was great, some great lookers were around too. But as usual, I, being me, didn't try to socialise around. We played a nother version of 'murderer' for the majority of the night and suprisingly it was fun. Lotsa laugther and stuff, but I wonder if the 2 poor friends of Grace who're not really in our clique had as much fun as us.
Speaking of our clique. I really feel bad about the buncha us guys staying over at the chalet that night. It seems as if the bulk of Grace's own friends didn't stay due to us. And we're just Quek's friends.. or rather, knew Grace thru Quek, and yet she didn't mind. Sure's hard to find someone as kind and understanding as her. Hope Quek treasures his relationship with her and my effort in BBQ-ing with that little bottle of wine made up for my stay that night. :P
In any case, that night could probably change me for life. Led by Yh during a talk about goals-in-life/studies/focusing and stuff, my buncha buddies put hella an effort to lay this train back on track before he became a giant wreck. A 2 hrs+ talk set me thinking about what I'd wanted. I'd been happy with my friends these while..but to a certain extent, they made sense by admitting that even they themselves can't stay together forever. Yh's taking off to Australia to pursue his dreams soon. Jit, Yx, Quek all know about what they want in life and are working towards it. And it's just a matter of time before they each go their own way to follow the path that leads them to their goals.
I really shouldn't be standing back at the crossroads scratching my head when that happens. They're right..no matter how grim things look for me, age is still on my side and it isn't too late..yet. I need a goal, I need to find my motivation, I need a purpose. It's unbelievable to think that the last time I set a goal was in pri 4 for a math test. Risks have to be taken in life and I guess I ought to start doing so - No point getting all comfy and hoping it stays that way for it will never be permanant. I may just head to abroad to study for all 3 years afterall.. a decision that could make or break me. I could flop and learn everything bad, wasting my parents money. Or I could pick up experiences, get a wider network of friends and earn some respectable qualifications. At least it beats staying in Singapore if I'm gonna be educated with people in SIM - a majority of deluded people who think they could still buy a decent degree in Singapore.
I concluded from that night that I should pull myself out of this pessimistic self-pitying state of mine and cling onto any glimpse of hope to make myself successful one day. If my friends could be so frank with me.. and they are yet to give up on me, I should pick myself up too and not just wait for things to happen.
So I guess a rebirth awaits in the later half of this year, which coincides with my 21st birthday, when I am out of army, when my hands are free to do something about my future, when I begin the next phase with what's argubly the most important education of my life. Till then, it shall just be psyching myself up for it, reflecting and making up my mind for good.
Made a start of changing myself by braving myself to ask her. Didn't turn out good, but I must admit that I should have expected it too. At least it's a good start to finalise some stuffs and stay out of the comfort zone being just 'good friends' like what it has been for years. And if it's any consolation, this could well be one of the reasons that would help me make up my mind on heading abroad later this year.
I hope 10 months from now, when I meet Yh again (unless I'm heading to melbourne too), he'll see a much more focused Terry. One that's pulling himself out from a great ravine that has taken years to cross. Until then, I hope my other buddies could still push me along.
Speaking of our clique. I really feel bad about the buncha us guys staying over at the chalet that night. It seems as if the bulk of Grace's own friends didn't stay due to us. And we're just Quek's friends.. or rather, knew Grace thru Quek, and yet she didn't mind. Sure's hard to find someone as kind and understanding as her. Hope Quek treasures his relationship with her and my effort in BBQ-ing with that little bottle of wine made up for my stay that night. :P
In any case, that night could probably change me for life. Led by Yh during a talk about goals-in-life/studies/focusing and stuff, my buncha buddies put hella an effort to lay this train back on track before he became a giant wreck. A 2 hrs+ talk set me thinking about what I'd wanted. I'd been happy with my friends these while..but to a certain extent, they made sense by admitting that even they themselves can't stay together forever. Yh's taking off to Australia to pursue his dreams soon. Jit, Yx, Quek all know about what they want in life and are working towards it. And it's just a matter of time before they each go their own way to follow the path that leads them to their goals.
I really shouldn't be standing back at the crossroads scratching my head when that happens. They're right..no matter how grim things look for me, age is still on my side and it isn't too late..yet. I need a goal, I need to find my motivation, I need a purpose. It's unbelievable to think that the last time I set a goal was in pri 4 for a math test. Risks have to be taken in life and I guess I ought to start doing so - No point getting all comfy and hoping it stays that way for it will never be permanant. I may just head to abroad to study for all 3 years afterall.. a decision that could make or break me. I could flop and learn everything bad, wasting my parents money. Or I could pick up experiences, get a wider network of friends and earn some respectable qualifications. At least it beats staying in Singapore if I'm gonna be educated with people in SIM - a majority of deluded people who think they could still buy a decent degree in Singapore.
I concluded from that night that I should pull myself out of this pessimistic self-pitying state of mine and cling onto any glimpse of hope to make myself successful one day. If my friends could be so frank with me.. and they are yet to give up on me, I should pick myself up too and not just wait for things to happen.
So I guess a rebirth awaits in the later half of this year, which coincides with my 21st birthday, when I am out of army, when my hands are free to do something about my future, when I begin the next phase with what's argubly the most important education of my life. Till then, it shall just be psyching myself up for it, reflecting and making up my mind for good.
Made a start of changing myself by braving myself to ask her. Didn't turn out good, but I must admit that I should have expected it too. At least it's a good start to finalise some stuffs and stay out of the comfort zone being just 'good friends' like what it has been for years. And if it's any consolation, this could well be one of the reasons that would help me make up my mind on heading abroad later this year.
I hope 10 months from now, when I meet Yh again (unless I'm heading to melbourne too), he'll see a much more focused Terry. One that's pulling himself out from a great ravine that has taken years to cross. Until then, I hope my other buddies could still push me along.
Remember this few things in life Terry.
1. That time will wait for no one to regret and despair.
2. That the only way to move if forward and with hope.
3. And that no matter where you are, or who you become, you will never walk alone. Ever.
I wish you the best in finding yourself, and in succeeding with that, be gracious enough to help others in need. Perhaps then will you discover a whole new meaning to a word as simple as "life".
Posted by
Anonymous |
3:12 AM
Don't worry Ter. We'll all be behind you to push you up that ravine.
I believe that even if all of us go our seperate ways, we'll still be there for each other. No matter what.
Posted by
Nig |
12:25 PM
y would i mind that u guys stayed over? u all are my frens too!close frens too.
dun worry about friendship, im sure ours will all pass the test of time and distance!
Jia you wor.
Posted by
Grace |
1:43 PM
*touched*
Posted by
Yrret |
3:16 AM