3 weeks to ORD
I've been feeling rather sian as of late. Hadn't been doing much for the past week or so, no gym, no exercise, not much going out. Just a movie and mahjong session so far. Maybe it's the wisdom tooth op, the hospital 'duties' I have to fulfil or something else but I just seem to have a feeling that I'm shutting myself out. Hadn't even given a thought about what to do with this Huihui as well. I wish May passes fast and I'm well on to starting school in June, at least I am able to focus on something important.
Going to head down to the hospital soon, for some overnight duty. It seems that she could pass on within these couple of days. And since she can't be released, my dad has arranged for some night watch party just in case something happens at night. Looks like a funeral is imminent and I'm gonna be stuck at Changi for say 5 days again. :(
It may sound real evil, but some emotions just can't be forced. I am not as grieved as before when I lost my 1st grandmother back in sec 2. She's probably caused me more pain in the first 10 years of my life than anything else, and the way I see it, also the reason why I'm staying in Tampines now instead of Changi. Bah, I just can't explain this.. and it probably takes years of living with her to feel this, so don't get me wrong and judge me as a unfilial grandson. I still mourn for her passing, just like anyone else who's time here is up, but I'm more concerned with other things, mainly how much father's coping with this, my studies, my family's finiancial situation, etc.
*sigh* I've always feared going overseas because there are things I can't leave behind. Seems that I am wrong, for now I wish I could start afresh instead, and just neglect all these problems that just doesn't seem to unravel after so long. New home? New friends? New chance in life? New girl (or maybe finally A girl)?
I've gotta find someone to confide in soon.. am constipating with troubles and I hope to straighten my thoughts before this head becomes some Pandora's Box. =
Going to head down to the hospital soon, for some overnight duty. It seems that she could pass on within these couple of days. And since she can't be released, my dad has arranged for some night watch party just in case something happens at night. Looks like a funeral is imminent and I'm gonna be stuck at Changi for say 5 days again. :(
It may sound real evil, but some emotions just can't be forced. I am not as grieved as before when I lost my 1st grandmother back in sec 2. She's probably caused me more pain in the first 10 years of my life than anything else, and the way I see it, also the reason why I'm staying in Tampines now instead of Changi. Bah, I just can't explain this.. and it probably takes years of living with her to feel this, so don't get me wrong and judge me as a unfilial grandson. I still mourn for her passing, just like anyone else who's time here is up, but I'm more concerned with other things, mainly how much father's coping with this, my studies, my family's finiancial situation, etc.
*sigh* I've always feared going overseas because there are things I can't leave behind. Seems that I am wrong, for now I wish I could start afresh instead, and just neglect all these problems that just doesn't seem to unravel after so long. New home? New friends? New chance in life? New girl (or maybe finally A girl)?
I've gotta find someone to confide in soon.. am constipating with troubles and I hope to straighten my thoughts before this head becomes some Pandora's Box. =
