What's my purpose?
I'm tired. Picture this - A neverending corridor with glass walls, and on the ground lays everything you desire in life, but behind the glass is simply food and water. You see what you need behind those walls, but you just can't have it, however, everything else is in abundance. There's no where else to go except to travel down the path and hope for the best... Only to no avail and slowly you grow weary and tired. After much struggling and struggling, you drop dead from the exhaustion.
That's my life as it is so far. And if it stays like this twisted scenario, why bother to persevere?
I know that my mind should be concentrating on my studies, yet like in every phase of my life, my heart rules over my head. So much for being adamant on making a different during my 2 yrs of service. A simple issue like that brings me to my knees, begging for mercy from someone called God.
The irony.. it's the first time I'm using His name in a post that isn't associated with a cuss. So much for baptism, so much for prayers. I guess He did answer, in a way more apt than any other, through her words. I've always been a pessimist in life, the glass is always half empty to me. Is that the way I was created? So that His response to my prayers are always what I do not wish to hear? I guess it is convenient for Him since he doesn't have to reply to my prayers. The answer is always "no, it won't happen", "no, you can't have that", "no, that won't turn out well".
I begin to wonder if I do have a choice in life when I turn towards my religion. Is everything paved out already, and that I'm bound to just walk blindly on this road, accepting whatever he has so called 'planned' for me? Where's the meaning? What's my purpose? If I hate reality, do I accept it as fate, or God's will? Is it that malevolent of Him to always see me in a sorrowful state?
My life is losing it's meaning, and here's the catch - Suicide is the greatest sin and one probably burn in hell for that. So what's my purpose? To study now, and then it ends there? To never be able to find true happiness in another companion?
It may be childish of me to post this, or simply weak to let my emotions flow like that. I could complicate matters and get the innocent party involved. It doesn't matter anyway, this shall my last blog entry. I've ranted enough.
That's my life as it is so far. And if it stays like this twisted scenario, why bother to persevere?
I know that my mind should be concentrating on my studies, yet like in every phase of my life, my heart rules over my head. So much for being adamant on making a different during my 2 yrs of service. A simple issue like that brings me to my knees, begging for mercy from someone called God.
The irony.. it's the first time I'm using His name in a post that isn't associated with a cuss. So much for baptism, so much for prayers. I guess He did answer, in a way more apt than any other, through her words. I've always been a pessimist in life, the glass is always half empty to me. Is that the way I was created? So that His response to my prayers are always what I do not wish to hear? I guess it is convenient for Him since he doesn't have to reply to my prayers. The answer is always "no, it won't happen", "no, you can't have that", "no, that won't turn out well".
I begin to wonder if I do have a choice in life when I turn towards my religion. Is everything paved out already, and that I'm bound to just walk blindly on this road, accepting whatever he has so called 'planned' for me? Where's the meaning? What's my purpose? If I hate reality, do I accept it as fate, or God's will? Is it that malevolent of Him to always see me in a sorrowful state?
My life is losing it's meaning, and here's the catch - Suicide is the greatest sin and one probably burn in hell for that. So what's my purpose? To study now, and then it ends there? To never be able to find true happiness in another companion?
It may be childish of me to post this, or simply weak to let my emotions flow like that. I could complicate matters and get the innocent party involved. It doesn't matter anyway, this shall my last blog entry. I've ranted enough.
Bro, everyone loses themselves at some point of their lives or another. You've to pull yourself together and ask yourself, what's most important to you now?
Don't let your heart rule you. I believe there is always a 'someone' for everyone, it just takes some time to find that specific 'someone'. But the first thing you should do is be clear of what you want in that 'someone'.
I know I've been with some people in the past that you guys don't really like, but every experience I've had made me clearer of what I expect that 'someone' should possess.
Don't tie yourself down with 'the one', cause it ain't worth it. Move on bro. There's always someone better waiting for you out there.
What should matter the most now is ensuring that the person who will be so damn important to you doesn't suffer in the future when she's with you. So do your best for your studies and look for her while pursuing what you deserve.
Don't sulk anymore bro. You only live life once, make it enjoyable, there's no time for regret. Ok bro? =)
Posted by
Nig |
2:13 AM