Sad.. Guard duty later.. heh.. at 6:30am must be in camp too. oh well, Gotta get my sleep.. will catch up on blogging over next week when I stay out. Hopefully the situation in my family would be better too.
Went out with Nigel (and his gf), Quek (and his gf) and Yuan Hwa earlier. Glad that we were all able to communicate with each other. Tho seperate couples.. conversations among us individuals could still be held. Yuan Hwa seems pretty sad that he's still single. Kept saying that he's sian... feel so akward all the time when we all go out. -shrug- No rush for me. Someone said that Love finds you when you least expect it. So I guess I won't be going all out to find it. Maybe I will meet a girl that really likes me for who I am. lol. Doubt it'll be anytime soon, thanks for NS killing my social life bit by bit.
15 more months to ORD. Not even at the halfway mark :(
I guess it all worked out.. for now. Managed to relieve the tension between the 2 of em. Wonder how long it will last. Spoke to my commanders about it, and they agreed to give me 1 week of stay out to 'monitor' my parents. So Chinese New Yr went on pretty smoothly. Had time to play mahjong.. catch up with my cousins, etc. Too bad my Ang Bao money was kinda little :( Insufficient for an overworked underpaid NS man like me. =
Back to camp after a long week off and work has piled up. Model deadline in next week and I've guard duty coming this Sunday too. Better yet, change of cupboards and we have plenty to shift up and down the damn building. Help. Plus the damn CSM mark me liao, always find me to tekan. Hai. Gonna be a long time before I can get my name out of his 'books'. Wonder why ineducated hokkien peng behave like god in camp. Don't know know their roles? Yeah, Sergeant Major so what? It's just a puny Master Sergeant after all these yrs of service. Why makes things hard for NSF? Would he like it if fellow NSF Officers press him down with rank? Respect is mutual man, learn that, and earn it. Goddamn bastards who can't think, sit in office whole day and threatening anyone he likes. Not the kind of person I'd regard as a superior or would I go to war with. Would even shoot him 1st before the enemy.
Out with YiEng today.. had coffee at TCC (Again, TCC).. and she said something which would be food for thought - That it's good to have close female friends, and sometimes if there's a need to bring the relationship a step further, actions have to be taken and not wait too long (I think). I wonder if I had made a mistake somewhere back then.. was I too passive, and not take any initiative, or was I too afraid.. Hmm. Maybe I was just confused and was content with the way things were. Pity it wasn't meant to last due to my 'actions'. I really wonder how things would be like now had I done something. Hai.
Relationships... Always a problem in a teenager's life. How does it start? It is a 'trial' for a guy and a girl, to test out how well they click together, before they think it's suitable to take it 1 step further? Is it just out of fun where someone doesn't want to be known as 'single' and just gets someone for the heck of it or for company? Still kinda feel that there isn't a difference between 2 very very close friends of opposite sex and a couple in a relationship. Apart from the acknowledgement that 'you are my bf, you are my gf' thingy.. the 2 close friends may just well be closer to each other, know each other better, spend more quality time with each other, understand and share each others problems more than a couple would... I'd dare say a number of teenagers just get into a relationship just out of curiosity, or maybe for the sake of sex. woo... flings.
Anyway relationships nowadays are started abrutly and ended when after a period of time, someone notices "We weren't meant to be together..blahblah". Excuses, I'd say. That someone would have probably shotgunned a relationship and ended up breaking or having his/her heart broken.
Ah..screw what I said, sounded so much like excuses on my part too.. for the fact that I might have regretted not asking the girl(s) I like.
P.s. Heh, Yieng, paiseh, parted quite hurriedly earlier, forgot to thank you for pei-ing me. Was fun.. good opportunity to speak a lil bit of chinese too. :D
so.. here we are again at the chinese new yr for 2005. 2 yrs in a row already.. and I'm coming into this festive period with a big fuckhole in the family. Since sept.. till now.. yeah. Both parents still can't get along. What am I supposed to do? For god knows what fking misunderstanding or shit event triggered this..it's been more than half a year and things could only get worse. Neither side wants to give in..thinking of their fking "face" before this family. God damn it. Why do adults act like fking dimwitted children?!
Look, if they couldn't handle a family. Then why in the fking place start it???? I'm sick and tired of this. Maybe it was my fault for being an unfilial son who can't study for nuts nor bring happiness. Whatever. I want to go out. I want to leave this goddamn family. I don't wish to return...not gonna tolerate another screwed up CNY having to decide between which damn places to go or which relatives to visit. Fuck the Reunion dinner. Damn it. It's just as bad as a fking divorce. I'm so damn sick of it... coming back each week only to see the 2 of em living their lives seperately except under a stupid roof which sees no blessing from my beloved God, eh!
Best of all.. who can help? Friends? Pfft. THEIR friends? Even worse.. there's no bloody fking trust between them. The marriage is in a crisis... the fking family is breaking down. Whee. Think I'm just gonna leave house tonight. Fuck the run tomorrow. I hope my PC will understand. Won't bloody return till something is done.
Two..THREE can play the game. Let's all act like fking retarded kids.
