Ever felt like losing something dear to you.. something that has been a part of a few years in your life? Sigh. There goes my computer.. everything in its HDD, erased. All started when the service pack 2 for Windows XP causes my windows to crash as it wasn't on C:. Only then did all the reformatting come in. Numerous times did I shift data from drive to drive in order to keep it intact while I reformat the drive for a whole new installation of windows. And each time I installed Windows, problems arise again. Windows XP home seem to have some freakin problem with my computer.. either that or the CD itself is already corrupt. I wouldn't know anyway.

In any case, somewhere along those reformatting, my computer was not able to read the drive where all my data were kept after I replugged it to make it the primary drive. It wasn't able to boot and displayed as 160gb of unpartitioned space. sigh. All my data were lost.. Screenshots from the previous mmorpgs I've played over the years.. just like a picture diary since I spent so much time on games. All the .iso game files that I downloaded and the saved games that were with it, gone were the efforts. My MP3s that I've collected since Sec 1..! All gone too.. songs that brought back memories whenever I listened to them.. a musical journal this time round. >.< More importantly, all the misellaneous files that included pictures taken with friends and holiday photos over the years. Damn were they precious.. and there's no way of getting them back!! I didn't even had a chance to make a backup despite wanting to... just came LIKE THAT. Hai

Twisted it may sound, but I feel as if I've lost a longtime companion. Feel so empty right now.. sian to the max. After giving some thoughts(nothing much that I could do anyway), it isn't so much of the games that I miss but instead the songs and photos which serve as memories to me. My room seems so silent now w/out winamp running and I appear to be rather indifferent towards playing computer games all again now that I've lost it all.
Maybe this would be a turning point where I see that a few lines of binary codes shouldn't take so much of a priority and instead of dwelling in lost memories of the past, it'd be better to shape reality for memories for the future. -shrug-

Then again, it could be all just talk for now since my computer's still empty.

right... so since last wednesday, I had problems sleeping due to the itch in my right eye. Thought all I need was just eyedrops and stuff like that. And maybe the pillow in camp was just too dirty. Little did I know that after doing all the sai kang in the rain on Friday, my eyes go so bad at night after book out that mucus (better known as mak sai) kept the eyelids stuck together. Believe me, the sight was disgusting.. imagine strands of green stuff connecting the top of your eye lashes to the bottom when you open your eyes. And boy did it hurt too.. my eyes were swollen on Saturday morning and I could barely open them when the mucus dried during the night. Paaaaaaaaaain...

.....until like 12pm on Sunday when I've seen the specialist. It wasn't just only that the eyedrops did wonders, her 5 days of MC given to me was just 'wow!'. Ok, jokes aside.. so what I had was conjunctivitis, a severe case of sore eyes that is highly contagious. One of the eyedrops given was setrile solution so strong that it was opague.

In any case, what happened at the specialist was interesting. Upon checking out my eyes, she asked if I had done anything unusual or been anywhere recently..
"Nothing unusual...but I did go to Thailand last year tho, been a couple of months"
"Thailand? Did you do anything funny there?" .. my parents were around.
"No.. not at all, why?"
"Because Gonorrhea has similar symptoms. I just want to be sure. It may require different medication too"
Then my parents had to chup "I think we should leave you two alone"
"Why? No need, he's an adult already. Besides, if such things were to happen, he should come clean" said the doc.
Fuck did I feel like an idiot.
"In any case, I didn't do anything stupid lah. Can be hereditary anyway.."
At last my dad shut up. I wonder what crossed their mind at the thoughts that their son had a possibilty of having gonorrhea. But that isn't the end.. After I went home, I decided to check the web about this STD too. Just out of curiosity, only to leave the explorer window open when I went out. Unsuprisingly, my dad used the com while I was out and upon noticing what I've been reading, he accused me of 'blahblahblah' when I returned home. Fuck was it a long night. =
Would've been an interesting night too. I visited Sijia's chalet as an uninvited guest as I was supposed to just meet Jit to watch a soccer match at fFsherman's village. Thanks to Jit's usual indecivisveness, we ended up sitting outside the chalet for 3 hours doing nothing. Pfft. I didn't really want to enter too as I wasn't all comfy with the guest who WERE invited. Here's the interesting bit. A little food for thought from Yx. He mentioned that despite all the laughts he had on me, he did wonder how a guy like me, who doesn't speak too much to his parents, doesn't have a girlfriend, no siblings ever had a chance to share his affection.. of any kind to anybody.

That made me wonder too. Am I that emotionless or shallow? Is it only simple fun that I seek when I hang out with my friends? Just a few hours of laugther and crap-talking? My social life seems so superficial eh. Just that deep.
Those words made me wonder if there's a whole lot of emotion inside me.. a greater part of me that hasn't began to feel yet. Maybe that explains uneasiness I have before sleeping.. regrets on how I've been treating my parents and how would I live when they're gone.. fantasies (decent ones) about having a girlfriend in the near future, someone whom I can share everything I like with.. worries on what if the buncha my friends begin to pursue their goals in life and split up in time to come, could I live independently and move on too, or still stay like the self-pitying nostalgic fool that I've always been?

Some food for thought indeed. I need to think about my life now that I'm almost done with national service. Some improvements have to be made that give my life some meaning.. I can't possibly live the next few years only looking forward to weekends to meet up with friends and spend my money and time on something that yields nothing. Hopefully, soon enough, I'll be able to go to sleep with ease without having to tire myself out with games or whatsoever beforehand.

I hope I hadn't offend anyone with this post. In any case, it's been a long day.. long post too. And long day ahead tomorrow. Off to Zzzland...pretty much with ease now that I'm beat.

hmm..1st post of the year. Haven't been posting much recently, ironically, due to the fact that I spent too much time at home and there's nothing too exciting to blog about. Another 3 months till I clear my leave... maybe by then there's no need for me to keep a journal.

New Yr resolutions? nothing much has changed I guess. Just 2 things.. the fact that I want my goddamn driving license that has been long overdue.. or I am gonna murder someone for it. And hopefully I'll have a great start to my tertiary education later this year.

I've gotta admit that I enjoyed that night @ mambo jumbo tho.. despite not drinking much and my other pals hating the music, I still had a nice time. For once (thanks for my parents making me listen to Gold 90.5fm when I was young), I was able to sing and possibly enjoy most of the songs played.. tho I didn't dance well to it. haha. Has been a long time since I've clubbed. Silly thing to do, but I guess it's fine once a year or so.

Chinese New Yr is around the corner now, and January is passing relatively fast so far. Thanks for the numerous public holidays and outcamp runs, life in camp seem rather short. Nonetheless, it'll be back to 2 months of non stop 5 day workweek before I get to clear my leave.. assuming that I won't have to return to Cresendo again.
Grargh.. I can't wait to start clearing leave.. Yuan Hwa already had his last day at work and Jit's would be next week. And I won't even be able to leave until after those 2 ORD!

Least I have these cool and rainy days to enjoy for now =

You are a Samurai.
You are full of honour and value respect. You
are not really the stereotypical hero, but you
do fight for good. Just in your own way. For
you, it is most certainly okay to kill an evil
person, if it is for justice and peace. You
also don't belive in mourning all the time and
think that once you've hit a bad stage in life
you just have to get up again. It's pointless
to concentrate on emotional pain and better to
just get on with everything. You also are a
down to earth type of person and think before
you act. Impulsive people may annoy you
somewhat.

Main weapon: Sword
Quote: "Always do the right thing.
This will gratify some people and astonish the
rest" -Mark Twain
Facial expression: Small smile


What Type of Killer Are You? [cool pictures]