I'm tired of this lifestyle...
Just back from the hospital.. sigh.. and off to camp in another 2 hrs. Received a phonecall earlier at 1am saying that my grandmother had no pulse, and her blood pressure was so low that it was undetectable. The doctor thought it'll be best that some of us make the trip down just in case. Some miscommunication occurred and my uncle sort of spread the news that she already passed away. Blah, everyone rushed down anxiously only to see her back to 'normal' after an hour or so. Another scare, I should say. So many times this has happened about her almost leaving and yet clinging on. I wonder what's bringing about that resilience in her... she's in so much pain (from the looks of it, and that she is on 4ml/hr of morphine) with almost every organ in her body failing her, yet she's fighting so hard for what seems to be a hopeless case.
I know this is gonna sound very disrespectful and selfish of me.. but really, I'm sick of this lifestyle.. the hospital being my 2nd home.. my closest friend being the stupid hospital couch and my computer.. I can't seem to plan my programmes anymore. Each day is just a stupid routine of going down, coming back, being on standby, getting called back too many a time just cause of a close encounter. It's been 3 weeks, and another 5 days for the wake. I really hope this ordeal ends soon.. all the cousins of my generation could get on with their lives just fine, and I think I've already over-fulfilled my responsibility as a grandson. I don't know who can I fault for me having to spend 5-7 hrs each day like that.. but please, losing one doesn't mean depriving another of his.
I know this is gonna sound very disrespectful and selfish of me.. but really, I'm sick of this lifestyle.. the hospital being my 2nd home.. my closest friend being the stupid hospital couch and my computer.. I can't seem to plan my programmes anymore. Each day is just a stupid routine of going down, coming back, being on standby, getting called back too many a time just cause of a close encounter. It's been 3 weeks, and another 5 days for the wake. I really hope this ordeal ends soon.. all the cousins of my generation could get on with their lives just fine, and I think I've already over-fulfilled my responsibility as a grandson. I don't know who can I fault for me having to spend 5-7 hrs each day like that.. but please, losing one doesn't mean depriving another of his.
