Wen shi jian, qing wei he wu? (A wordy post)
Alright, I was supposed to stop smoking yesterday. In fact on a couple of occasions today, I resisted the temptation to get another packet (partly due to the lack of cash), until some 'problems' requiring a serious empathic talk called for the need for fags.
To make things short, one of my close pals apparently has concerns as he's afraid of not being able to offer enough and that his girlfriend should deserve a lot more than he can provide.. for now. Despite the assurance from her that she is totally fine and happy with the way things are going, he's still fearful and paranoid, thinking that he's not up to standard even to the extent that she may be 'suffering' by sticking to him. I bet upon first impression, many would think that this friend of mine is just finding an excuse to probably shake her off, or the relationship has lost some of its meaning. Instead, I believe that he really likes her that much that he's unselfish enough to see her happier with somebody else than to be just satisfied with him.
I'm not one who uses the word 'Love' for I believe it's a really strong word that can't be simply defined as 'affection' or 'personal attachment'. Upon giving it some thoughts, I feel that Love between two parties is about 'giving and taking', in other words, sacrifice - how much you are willing to give up to the person you love. So as for my friend, I'm sure he pretty much loves his girl for he is willing (though with a fair amount of reluctance) to give up his happiness for hers. Likewise, to be able to settle for something less (in his opinion) goes to show her love as well. In any case, I sincerely hope for the best in the relationship, and that it may be meaningful, and ever lasting.
Anyway, this is something I came up with along the drive back:
Contrary to Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs, this is my Hierarchy of Sacrifice, which I suppose is rather relevant to "love".
And it doesn't just apply to those lovey-dovey teenage couples who go on saying the "I love you, do you love me?" crap. It's applicable to love of all sorts. For example,the love of political leader where he invest his time, effort and even money for the wellbeing of his people.Or something more of us can relate to - the great love of a mother, in which she sacrifices her time, effort, happiness and even life, in which she selflessly dedicates everything towards the upbringing of her children. And of course, quoting my religion, where Jesus sacrificed his life for us.
Similar to the Hierarchy of Needs, one must be able to give up the lower level of "sacrifices" before he proceeds to the next. And needless to say, the greater the sacrifice, the stronger the love. A rich brat could get his girlfriend a lavish gift and that can be considered love (maybe in the eyes of a simpleton). However, a guy who may not be financially endowed gets his girl an ordinary pair of earrings but in addition to the money spent, sacrifices time (effort) and a certain amount of happiness to earn the cash is considered an act love too. It's obvious which love is stronger.
As for me, until I am altruistic enough jump in front of a speeding vehicle to save someone or do something like give up my eyes to have someone else see, I doubt I can truly say "I love you".. not totally.. not until the 4 levels of sacrifices are met.
To make things short, one of my close pals apparently has concerns as he's afraid of not being able to offer enough and that his girlfriend should deserve a lot more than he can provide.. for now. Despite the assurance from her that she is totally fine and happy with the way things are going, he's still fearful and paranoid, thinking that he's not up to standard even to the extent that she may be 'suffering' by sticking to him. I bet upon first impression, many would think that this friend of mine is just finding an excuse to probably shake her off, or the relationship has lost some of its meaning. Instead, I believe that he really likes her that much that he's unselfish enough to see her happier with somebody else than to be just satisfied with him.
I'm not one who uses the word 'Love' for I believe it's a really strong word that can't be simply defined as 'affection' or 'personal attachment'. Upon giving it some thoughts, I feel that Love between two parties is about 'giving and taking', in other words, sacrifice - how much you are willing to give up to the person you love. So as for my friend, I'm sure he pretty much loves his girl for he is willing (though with a fair amount of reluctance) to give up his happiness for hers. Likewise, to be able to settle for something less (in his opinion) goes to show her love as well. In any case, I sincerely hope for the best in the relationship, and that it may be meaningful, and ever lasting.
Anyway, this is something I came up with along the drive back:
Contrary to Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs, this is my Hierarchy of Sacrifice, which I suppose is rather relevant to "love".
And it doesn't just apply to those lovey-dovey teenage couples who go on saying the "I love you, do you love me?" crap. It's applicable to love of all sorts. For example,the love of political leader where he invest his time, effort and even money for the wellbeing of his people.Or something more of us can relate to - the great love of a mother, in which she sacrifices her time, effort, happiness and even life, in which she selflessly dedicates everything towards the upbringing of her children. And of course, quoting my religion, where Jesus sacrificed his life for us.
Similar to the Hierarchy of Needs, one must be able to give up the lower level of "sacrifices" before he proceeds to the next. And needless to say, the greater the sacrifice, the stronger the love. A rich brat could get his girlfriend a lavish gift and that can be considered love (maybe in the eyes of a simpleton). However, a guy who may not be financially endowed gets his girl an ordinary pair of earrings but in addition to the money spent, sacrifices time (effort) and a certain amount of happiness to earn the cash is considered an act love too. It's obvious which love is stronger.
As for me, until I am altruistic enough jump in front of a speeding vehicle to save someone or do something like give up my eyes to have someone else see, I doubt I can truly say "I love you".. not totally.. not until the 4 levels of sacrifices are met.
Good day !.
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