Tuesday, May 30, 2006 


ORD LOH!! Posted by Picasa

3:29 AM | |

Monday, May 29, 2006 

At last..

It's the 29th of May.. 1 day before ORD. Been waiting for a looong time. I could vividly recall my days in BMT, when I was still instilled with the 'garang mentality'.. and ORD seemed so far from then. Next at Jurong camp.. probably the most miserable days of my life when I first stepped into 30SCE as a field pioneer. It was the lifestyle of a prisoner, tho only 5 weeks, it seemed like months. Thankfully I managed to get posted out due to some 'help'.. and since then, it's been a long journey full of ups and downs to where I am now.
My relatives have been saying recently, "wah, ORD so soon ar? 2 years in army, fast huh?" It was fast looking back, it was painstakingly slow serving it but more importantly, it's over. Some things I won't forget tho.. especially the bad experiences. So this is a big "FUCK YOU!" to you, 2WO Hoo Kap Yoong, like I promised a year back.. "Fist yourself to hell!"

Gonna enter another phase of life which is worrying me. Just received the admission form to Monash, and I'll most probably stick with it, despite having UWA, ANU and UNSW to consider. Yuan Hwa's one of the reason tho, as I hope with him being there, I wouldn't take too long to settle down, and more importantly, not risk mixing with the wrong company. So there Yh, you asked me over.. stay the studious person you've always been, and don't start on weed and hookers while you're there. (At least wait for me! lol)

Studying abroad's gonna take a lot away from me.. the things that I hold so close to me - my family, my friends.. all the comfort that I've had over these years. I hope it's the right choice and I won't live to regret the sacrifices made. One thing the recent loss of my grandmother made me think about (again).. would be that nothing in life is forever, no one is gonna wait. The first tears I shed wasn't due to the fact that she passed away, but because I realised that one day, I'll be in my dad's position, and either of my parents will be on that bed. Will I be able to face reality then? Similarly, the day will come too when I lose my friends. I'm gonna dread that day.. and right now I seem to be bringing it forward with my decisions. Oh well, I probably still have another 8 to 10 months in Singapore.. so I'd better enjoy it while I can.


3:49 AM | |

Tuesday, May 23, 2006 

Rest in peace, 3rd granny.

Just back from the wake.. My grandmother passed away during the morning of 20th May. She's on the orbituaries on today's paper (man, it cost $5800!).. I guess she was finally relieved off her pain after being bed-ridden for 3 weeks, with bed rash, a bad fracture at the arm, and her body failing due to colon cancer. May she find peace in the afterlife and my dad be strong.

It was really sad when I saw her lying on the bed upon entering her ward.. chest stopped pumping.. the oscillator displaying a flatline reading. The scene was just really depressing, to witness a body turned lifeless. Although there aren't many differences in the ward that night, compared to any other night of the 3 weeks, the feeling I felt was totally different. Something almost unnoticable.. like a pulse or a heat beat goes away and results in such a significant change in us. ah, the fragility of life.

Gonna be rather busy.. or rather occupied over the wake back the my Changi house till Thursday, when the cremation would be held. Friday's my last day in camp, where I'll have to de-kit and get my clearance signed. So hopefully I'll be free again to meet up with you guys over the weekend. DVC, Over the Hedge, Xmen3... lotsa movies to catch, and lotsa strengthening of our 'brotherhood' to be done.. something seems to be pulling us apart.

Time to sleep. Stupid dental FFI has to be held at SAFTI.. so it's gonna be a loong journey tomorrow morning. I hope I can use the car. =

2:01 AM | |

Friday, May 19, 2006 

I'm tired of this lifestyle...

Just back from the hospital.. sigh.. and off to camp in another 2 hrs. Received a phonecall earlier at 1am saying that my grandmother had no pulse, and her blood pressure was so low that it was undetectable. The doctor thought it'll be best that some of us make the trip down just in case. Some miscommunication occurred and my uncle sort of spread the news that she already passed away. Blah, everyone rushed down anxiously only to see her back to 'normal' after an hour or so. Another scare, I should say. So many times this has happened about her almost leaving and yet clinging on. I wonder what's bringing about that resilience in her... she's in so much pain (from the looks of it, and that she is on 4ml/hr of morphine) with almost every organ in her body failing her, yet she's fighting so hard for what seems to be a hopeless case.

I know this is gonna sound very disrespectful and selfish of me.. but really, I'm sick of this lifestyle.. the hospital being my 2nd home.. my closest friend being the stupid hospital couch and my computer.. I can't seem to plan my programmes anymore. Each day is just a stupid routine of going down, coming back, being on standby, getting called back too many a time just cause of a close encounter. It's been 3 weeks, and another 5 days for the wake. I really hope this ordeal ends soon.. all the cousins of my generation could get on with their lives just fine, and I think I've already over-fulfilled my responsibility as a grandson. I don't know who can I fault for me having to spend 5-7 hrs each day like that.. but please, losing one doesn't mean depriving another of his.

4:07 AM | |

Friday, May 12, 2006 

...just a note

Was watching the 9pm mandarin drama on Channel 8 earlier.. for once in say almost a year.. and I noticed that girl played by Felicia Chin. aww man, I wish I knew some girl like her, she'd be perfect! And great looks too. Heh.

Yeah, just bored. It's 5am after a Dota game with the guys and any chance of having fun this weekend looks bleek. It's just so depressing not having anything to do or plan anything. Just the same routine each day, with lots of waiting and travelling in between. And honestly, I wished this whole issue was over. Could get to focus a little on knowing hui² more. Anyway, by the looks of things, it's gonna be hard to have a friendship with her.

5:00 AM | |

Monday, May 08, 2006 

3 weeks to ORD

I've been feeling rather sian as of late. Hadn't been doing much for the past week or so, no gym, no exercise, not much going out. Just a movie and mahjong session so far. Maybe it's the wisdom tooth op, the hospital 'duties' I have to fulfil or something else but I just seem to have a feeling that I'm shutting myself out. Hadn't even given a thought about what to do with this Huihui as well. I wish May passes fast and I'm well on to starting school in June, at least I am able to focus on something important.

Going to head down to the hospital soon, for some overnight duty. It seems that she could pass on within these couple of days. And since she can't be released, my dad has arranged for some night watch party just in case something happens at night. Looks like a funeral is imminent and I'm gonna be stuck at Changi for say 5 days again. :(

It may sound real evil, but some emotions just can't be forced. I am not as grieved as before when I lost my 1st grandmother back in sec 2. She's probably caused me more pain in the first 10 years of my life than anything else, and the way I see it, also the reason why I'm staying in Tampines now instead of Changi. Bah, I just can't explain this.. and it probably takes years of living with her to feel this, so don't get me wrong and judge me as a unfilial grandson. I still mourn for her passing, just like anyone else who's time here is up, but I'm more concerned with other things, mainly how much father's coping with this, my studies, my family's finiancial situation, etc.

*sigh* I've always feared going overseas because there are things I can't leave behind. Seems that I am wrong, for now I wish I could start afresh instead, and just neglect all these problems that just doesn't seem to unravel after so long. New home? New friends? New chance in life? New girl (or maybe finally A girl)?
I've gotta find someone to confide in soon.. am constipating with troubles and I hope to straighten my thoughts before this head becomes some Pandora's Box. =

8:33 PM | |

Monday, May 01, 2006 

1 more week and back to camp :(

Been a week, and I'm still missing London. Even gave thoughts about migrating there when I finish my education. I don't mind working and earning my salary in pounds. Seem better than the stressful environment here. Besides, apart from my friends, there isn't much holding me back now. I kinda lost a little of that oh-so-sentimental side of me now, and suddenly I'm keen on trying something new for a change. Moreover, I can't find a suitable partner in Singapore! lol.

Applied for Monash College already, probably gonna take that path, which will have me doing 8 months @ TMC Academy, and if things go well, head over to Melbourne for 2 yrs. Also got other options now of SIM, and a path to UWA. UWA would mean spending all 3 years there, be it whether I do my diploma first, or going straight for the degree. The diploma's interesting tho, as it's also 8 months, cost less, and if you make it tops, the tuition grants for the next 2 yrs are wavered. :) But Perth is boring.

Wisdom tooth extraction tomorrow and I'm afraid. Expecting lots of bleeding, pain and worse still, being unable to eat well. WTB a girl to hold my hand on the dentist chair.

9:04 PM | |