Friday, August 25, 2006 

What's my purpose?

I'm tired. Picture this - A neverending corridor with glass walls, and on the ground lays everything you desire in life, but behind the glass is simply food and water. You see what you need behind those walls, but you just can't have it, however, everything else is in abundance. There's no where else to go except to travel down the path and hope for the best... Only to no avail and slowly you grow weary and tired. After much struggling and struggling, you drop dead from the exhaustion.
That's my life as it is so far. And if it stays like this twisted scenario, why bother to persevere?

I know that my mind should be concentrating on my studies, yet like in every phase of my life, my heart rules over my head. So much for being adamant on making a different during my 2 yrs of service. A simple issue like that brings me to my knees, begging for mercy from someone called God.

The irony.. it's the first time I'm using His name in a post that isn't associated with a cuss. So much for baptism, so much for prayers. I guess He did answer, in a way more apt than any other, through her words. I've always been a pessimist in life, the glass is always half empty to me. Is that the way I was created? So that His response to my prayers are always what I do not wish to hear? I guess it is convenient for Him since he doesn't have to reply to my prayers. The answer is always "no, it won't happen", "no, you can't have that", "no, that won't turn out well".

I begin to wonder if I do have a choice in life when I turn towards my religion. Is everything paved out already, and that I'm bound to just walk blindly on this road, accepting whatever he has so called 'planned' for me? Where's the meaning? What's my purpose? If I hate reality, do I accept it as fate, or God's will? Is it that malevolent of Him to always see me in a sorrowful state?

My life is losing it's meaning, and here's the catch - Suicide is the greatest sin and one probably burn in hell for that. So what's my purpose? To study now, and then it ends there? To never be able to find true happiness in another companion?

It may be childish of me to post this, or simply weak to let my emotions flow like that. I could complicate matters and get the innocent party involved. It doesn't matter anyway, this shall my last blog entry. I've ranted enough.

12:49 AM | |

Thursday, August 24, 2006 

Sianx

Hot and sunny Thursday afternoon. Waiting to pick Jit and Quek up for a swim. Lotsa stuff bogging me down again. Concerned about the damn assignments, 1 week to complete 3 more. It's rare that I dread Fridays. As it only means that a week is over, and I am getting closer to the deadline. Accounting and management not touched. Econs halfway done. And the biggest headache of all, marketing, is giving me the most stress. No ideas on what to do, can't seem to get started and it's the 1st assignment due.

Most of my classmates don't seem likely to continue their studies in Monash Uni. I must say it's quite unfortunate (with the exception of you know who) that my present classmates are just another bunch of acquaintances. Quite similar to my army mates I guess - people that cross your lives just once. My greatest regret will be having to part ways with a particular someone that I've taken a liking to.

Sigh. I suppose such things are just inevitable. Life's a distant contrast from fairytales that ends with a happy ending. And once again I find myself lamenting about unfairness of reality. 8 months left. Shall go drown myself in the pool. Sianx

12:54 PM | |

Wednesday, August 23, 2006 

All psyched up now.

Since the stupid CSM in army, it's been months since I slammed someone on my blog. Bringing you up just helped add some colour to this black and white page - brown and maybe with a tinge of green.

Anyway, Mr Yong Jia Wei.. Kong Jiao Wei.. Phua Chee Beh, whatever your name is or whichever makes most sense to call you by, I really ought to thank you for giving me more motivation to work on my academics. I'd relish that look on your face when everyone else in class fairs better than you, including guys like Ken whose attendence is a near 0. And hopefully I'll be booking a ticket to Melbourne next year while you head to over to South Africa or join the mats in Malaysia.. Afterall, you did say you didn't mind the other 2 campuses.

Well, for one, with all that effort you've been putting in and that overflowing enthusiasm you have during lessons, you really ought to be acing your subjects and not resorting to cheating in tests to score a 20/20 for marketing. Not to mention having the cheek to look as if your pecker just doubled its size upon receiving the results. You're one eccentric young man, or should I say some hamster overdosed with steriods when you open your eyes so wide whenever you learn something new? Do you really require an in-your-face feedback of what others think of your ludicrous comments and redundant questions before you shut that gap of yours? Friend, you aree sick; suffering from a severe case of verbal diarrhoea. And I'd love to help by shoving loperamide up your arse to suppress the neverending crap coming out from the other hole.

I'm not gonna further stoop to your level and get into a popularity contest among our classmates. You can go ahead and tell the world you dislike me because I humbled you during a lousy presentation of Bill Gates that you gave. Unless people like the jean gang would rather befriend a spastic kid trapped in a 21 y.o. body, I don't think I really have much to worry about. So there, like what a typical china guy would say.. "be a man, do the right thing". Go jump off your flat.

9:43 PM | |

Sunday, August 20, 2006 

Ask not what your country can do for you...

..but what you can do for you country?
Lol, I can serve NS, work doubly hard, entually contribute to the society. And in return, I probably get taxed on almost everything possible, get an expatriate who is probably a reject from his country as my boss, slog 40 years to repay the loan for my car and house, enjoy retirement at the void deck of a HDB flat and then spend the rest of eternity crammed in an urn stored 3 stories under.

Gotta love it.

Once again, so and so mentioned on the rally that more singaporeans are going abroad. It is unfortunate, yet understandable. And for Singapore to maintain its success, 3 things must be done;
1) Cultivate strong bonds with overseas Singaporeans
2) Encourage baby-making
3) Welcome immigrants

Quite frankly, from my point of view, it's pretty much a load of crap. Being a student who is left with no other alternatives but to seek education overseas, I'd like to question why the minstry of education admit foreigners at our expense and what's their take on a LOCAL university. And in order for Singapore to succeed, it's alright that MORE foreign talents are welcomed compete with your local countrymen, even for a place in the universities?

Next you go on to say that since there's a result of more Singaporeans going abroad, we ought to maintain close ties and have such people feel a sense of belonging. So after serving the fking nation for 2 yrs, you deprive me of a place in the so-called LOCAL university, and give it to some Curryland or Ni-Hao-Ma-County migrant? Yet I'm expected to be thankful and patriotic, keeping a place in my heart for Singapore after spending hundreds of thousands to study abroad? (To think we're called smart people.)

Last but not least, in addition to that extra competition, not like there isn't enough already, we're expected to make babies? Dude, unless we live to the age of 200 and our reproductive systems are still active at 70, it's gonna be hard to go all out to carve a decent career and yet pay so much attention to children.

Lookie here, what exactly does this country want? Cream of the crop of talented workhorses from all over the world? Loyal country men who would stay satisfied with making babies and then living from hand to mouth, working through out their meaningless lives? To be some kind of ghetto version of Cambridge by increasing the standards of NUS/NTU/SMU? Whatever it is, those 3 ideas seem hella contradicting, or leading around a circle of problems.

Anyway, to the "ni hui shuo zhong guo hua ma?" MFer who probably has my place in NUS/NTU, there's a big F U. Go home, come back when you're regarded as a TALENTED individual. There's no need for you to learn your skills here. Serve your fucking 2 years or it will be totally retarded that you're getting a degree in MY country's uni at my expense and STILL graduate ahead of me. Carninabu.

This place doesn't give people a 2nd chance in life. Hell, they don't even provide a decent first chance.

7:31 PM | |

Thursday, August 17, 2006 


Check out our standard of English. Think those Ang Mohs from IMF could understand this? Posted by Picasa

9:21 PM | |

 


Jit, Yx and guess who's behind the pillow? Posted by Picasa

9:20 PM | |

 


It's slanted as I had to stack 2 chairs as my tripod. Didn't balance real well Posted by Picasa

9:19 PM | |

 


A view at night. Posted by Picasa

9:19 PM | |

 


A view from the room. Good wind btw. Posted by Picasa

9:18 PM | |

 

A little sniff of what's to come?

Spent a night at the Raffles Plaza on Saturday. Didn't really have much to do except to catch the fireworks. The feeling of staying alone in the hotel (at least during the afternoon), although queer, was still enjoyable. Entering the room, to setting up my laptop, doing my assignment, taking a break by sitting at the balcony, talking a walk by the poolside.. it was as if I was on holiday even though I'm in that area 5 days a week.
I really felt as if I was on some kinda business trip. Hopefully sometime in the future, I'll be on a real one. Flying business class.. expenses paid for.. free room service.. comfy beds.. eating in at the hotel's most exquisite resaurant etc.

Anyway, what's really gonna happen is that by next week, the last 2 of my buddies would have commenced school at SMU. Blah. I guess it officially marks the end of our gaming days.. our supper nights.. Down to business (literally) eh? I even wonder if we can still get to meet up every weekend. It kind of makes me miss the army days when there was TOTALLY nothing to do nor worry about. So long there's no duties, it would have been pure enjoyment over the weekends.

I'm halfway through my first trimester I think, after the submission of my final assignment 1s. That's 4 modules of assignment done.. and the 2nd batch will be due in 2 weeks. I should really get started soon, but my lazy bones are just putting them off. Oh well. Hopefully after today I'll be able to get started. Hate the feeling of cramping everything up at the last minute.

Must.... get... 65%... at least... Get... that... inside... your... numb.. skull..

Tell Clayton to save me a slot pls, Yh

8:51 PM | |

Saturday, August 12, 2006 


Bored + Blog = Borging. Marche's closing down I heard. 1 more meal there together? Posted by Picasa

1:18 AM | |

 


How many of you cartoons still have this pic? Man. Good ol' pre-NS days Posted by Picasa

1:17 AM | |

Friday, August 11, 2006 

A breather at last

After the marketing test on monday, and the management journal due earlier today. I finally get a break for 1 day before having to start on the accounting assignment due next monday. Supposed to get a good night's sleep today but I ended up wasting my time watchin hard gay crap on youtube and playing some much missed Daoc.

Can't really put my mind to ease though. Constantly worried about the results of my management and marketing. I really hope I can achieve a 80% at least, so that'll cut me some slack for the final examination. I don't have a backup plan of studying in Singapore now since Monash has pulled out of TMC. So it's a do or die situation for me where I need to make it over to Australia to conitnue with year 2.

Onto the weekend. Managed to get a room at Raffles The Plaza. I can't gurantee that it'll overlook the fireworks display at the esplanade but yea, you guys are all invited for a sleep over if interested. Could go for some booze that night too.. maybe at Introbar? Or some clubbing hangout? /shrug. I'm quite oblivious to the clubbing scene now. Or better yet, BYOC (or laptops for that matter) and we can LAN some crap game together. Let me know anyway, or I'll have to restort to inviting my harem of ladies for company that night. :D

And yes.. the parade yesterday was rather interesting. Not so much of seeing the men-in-white or the parade itself, but the feeling of being treated as a VIP was great. More so when it was a year before when I was doing the sai kang at the Padang. After experiencing what goes behind the scene first hand, I'm really appreciative of this luxury I have... something I didn't treasure yesteryears. To park right beside the stadium, just beside the Chief of Army's vehicle.. to have my name on an invitation card.. to be seated with the VIPs, including last year's ex-co chairman and GRC leaders.. to be greeted "sir" by majors (lol!) and ushered by captains, etc. 1 word - Phenomenal. Was good to be with the people who are either damn rich, damn influencial, damn old and experienced or simply good looking young wives. Hopefully 1 day I'll accomplish something to be regarded as one.

Alright. Ego trip's over. Off to sleep.

1:04 AM | |

Wednesday, August 09, 2006 


I shouldn't be blogging now. But whatdaheck. Once a year. A renewal of patriotism?  Posted by Picasa

10:49 PM | |

 


Printing the names for Colonels last yr. This yr I get my name on it! ufOooO Red Sector! Posted by Picasa

10:48 PM | |

 


Me at NDP '06. Wearing the same T shirt as NDP '05.  Posted by Picasa

10:47 PM | |

 


Working under him last yr. Taking photo with him this year. That's BG (NS) Loh btw. :D My dad just can't take a photo properly. Posted by Picasa

10:46 PM | |

 


Fireworks! Posted by Picasa

10:46 PM | |

 


..more fireworks Posted by Picasa

10:45 PM | |

 


The motivator wanted a picture of me! I swear! :P Posted by Picasa

10:44 PM | |

 

4 more hrs to NDP..

..yeah, like I give a shit about attending it later. Been there done that last year anyway. Was right in the thick of things.. with so many members of the public being unreasonable, questioning why they can't access various places. Pfft, do they need a bomb scare to remind them of why security had to be so tight? =
More pressing matters to attend to anyway. JOURNALS. MANAGEMENT ASSIGNMENT. VICTOR CHUA. MONASH UNI PULLING OUT OF TMC. These words constantly ringing at the back...bah..at EVERY part of my head for that matter. Spent the whole morning finding another 2 more journals. I hope I am sufficiently equipped to pen my assignment now, and finish most of it before the parade.

1 month since my last movie already, and 2 weekends since I hung around town with my friends.. it seems so long. Depending on whether I could complete my accounting assignment, this weekend could be the 3rd. :( Movies to watch.. catching up to do.. meals to have with... games to play.. (cigs to smoke?) I must free up some time soon.

The last of my buddies are starting school at SMU next week, so I guess this weekend marks the last of the slackjack period, with everyone officially undergoing tertiary education. New phase in life for us. May we will still be together after this.

1:02 PM | |

Monday, August 07, 2006 

What. A. Day.

My cover's busted. Some people (Yeah, you people) came to know of this paltry website. Was my fault anyway. My stupid mouth reacted faster than my head by telling them to google for my blog. *slaps forehead* So today I was tormented by Esper again, when she mentioned "Why give you a heart when you have nothing to feel?"

Bloody hell, that freaked me out. I really had no idea what to think. (Not to mention I was already struggling to accept the fact that I screwed 3 questions of my marketing test.) Now I've to worry whether she could have drawn any conclusions from the post on my blog. Talk about shooting myself in the foot.

So after a long and agonizing day at school, and receiving news that my beloved marketing teacher, James, is leaving us for (probably) sexually harrassing a female student in his car (like why the stupid girl got into his car in the first place?), I finally thought I should come clear with her.

I confessed that I've feelings for her. And apparently she took it much better than I expected. I thought by now my number would have been off her hp contacts. Even though I should be thankful for that, I'm still quite perplexed to how I in turn should react. How weird would it be to still speak to someone who knows your intention. I feel so transparent, so naked now. *sigh* God Help Me

Btw, Happy 21st Bday KT. :)


10:31 PM | |

 


Went for a hair cut at last, asked for something less messy... and I got this Posted by Picasa

6:37 PM | |

Sunday, August 06, 2006 

..signs of buckling

It's 12 am now. I've 2 more chapters (60+ pages) of marketing left to study. I've done only 150 pages despite NOT going out during the weekend. Was tempted to joined my Jc friends for dinner, or just go for supper with the guys so I can pass Quek the DAoC cd. Instead on Sat, I skipped lunch and ended up driving to Blk 201 for dinner, alone. Today's the same, went back to my old house to TRY to study, having lunch at Changi alone as well.

I thought I'm being hardworking, but *sigh*, my progress is still pathetic. And I can't assure myself that I've remembered everything I've read/studied. I hate that feeling... one that I haven't felt in a while. Stupid pressure acting on me again, making me wanna give up and just head to bed, prepared for the worst. It kinda reminds me of the O lvl days when I try to burn the midnight oil doing last minute revision for chinese. (it's ALL pure memory)

But I can't. ARGH! Anything below a 65% and there goes my ticket to Clayton/Caulfield. Yay, ranting away again. Maybe I've adopted a wrong approach in my studies, but something's changed for sure - I seem to have stopped gaming without much effort. (...I have not played a single computer game for 3 days now. And less than 3 hrs for the whole of last week.)

*stressed* I hope to get this studying technique figured out by the next test. Still an assignment due after tomorrow's marketing test and damn, must I score for it. The teacher seems to have some expectations of me. Back to the notes now, hopefully I can finish them.. and get a decent grade. I don't wanna lose to Esper again.




11:57 PM | |

Thursday, August 03, 2006 

My pillow, My girlfriend?

Was swimming with Jit earlier and I was talking to him about how I could regard my pillow as my girlfriend if things don't work out.

Anyway, here's a list of why my pillow could take the place of my girlfriend:

- The clothes on her come off easily.
- The sight of her makes me want to join her in bed.
- She's the first thing I see and touch whenever I wake up in the morning.
- She's of low maintenance.
- She's ever obliging whenever I want a nice hug.
- She's always smelling good.
- She's ever faithful. Always at home, and I don't have to worry about her dating another guy.
- She's clean all the time, at least as clean as I am.
- She's shaven, too.
- She's ALWAYS waiting for me on the bed. :)
- She's a great pillar of support.
- She does a good job of putting me to sleep.
- She always feels smooth and can be rough whenever I want. (Pillowcase)
- She doesn't grumble or complain, not even when I drool on her.
- She doesn't reject a kiss, or for that matter, anything.
- She won't moan aloud.

And best of all, I could have as many pillows as I want! None of them will mind.

11:53 PM | |