The holidays so far..
4 days into it, and I guess I can't deny that it's been bad. I've enjoyed myself, being able to hang out with both classmates and close friends. Oh, the convenience of a car. (Tho it really seems to be breaking down and petrol costs a bomb) The stress of receiving my results has lessened a little, but I can only expect it to return as next Sunday draws near. I can only hope it wouldn't be too disappointing, and I will be able to enjoy my holiday when I check my result on the 1st day of my trip.
As much as I dislike my father's character, I seem to be gradually growing into it. I've sworn not to be like him when I do become a father, and now, there's a likelihood I'm goonna be like him. Apparently, there isn't many difference between our characters.
I just got into a quarrel with my mom over a stupid pencil. She bugged me for a pencil while I was playing a game, and though there were faults on both sides, I emerged being the disrespectful one. Just like my dad, we're both very tensed people, probably having stress of our own. Things that give provide us with a sense of achievement or fun, like career (studies) and friends, we tend to pay more attention to it, at the expense of the ones who are our unwavering pillar of support, in this case, my mother.
The stupid neighbour's kid just had to piss me off further by mimicking whatever I yelled, resulting in me shouting at him at even more deafening tone across the window. Not long after, I was punching and kicking the wall between our houses to vent my anger.. the hanging mirror fell and I cut my elbow. Looking back, it was real stupid. Sigh.
Though smoking seem to help me bottle my emotions a little, at the end of the day, I can't escape the fact that I am an emotional timebomb. Stressed to the limits, and taking it out the wrong way, I am a haggard wreck of a human being.. constantly worried about my degree and future, having no idea to express my feelings to my parents due to the dysfunctions within and being tied down by taking a liking to girls I can never be with.
Friends and whatever things I do for fun (as a past time) are no long term remedy to my situation. After any outing, any games, any cig, I still remain the person that I myself detest, and today's incident just reminded me of it. I need help, I need a change in mindset, I probably need to live all over again.
As much as I dislike my father's character, I seem to be gradually growing into it. I've sworn not to be like him when I do become a father, and now, there's a likelihood I'm goonna be like him. Apparently, there isn't many difference between our characters.
I just got into a quarrel with my mom over a stupid pencil. She bugged me for a pencil while I was playing a game, and though there were faults on both sides, I emerged being the disrespectful one. Just like my dad, we're both very tensed people, probably having stress of our own. Things that give provide us with a sense of achievement or fun, like career (studies) and friends, we tend to pay more attention to it, at the expense of the ones who are our unwavering pillar of support, in this case, my mother.
The stupid neighbour's kid just had to piss me off further by mimicking whatever I yelled, resulting in me shouting at him at even more deafening tone across the window. Not long after, I was punching and kicking the wall between our houses to vent my anger.. the hanging mirror fell and I cut my elbow. Looking back, it was real stupid. Sigh.
Though smoking seem to help me bottle my emotions a little, at the end of the day, I can't escape the fact that I am an emotional timebomb. Stressed to the limits, and taking it out the wrong way, I am a haggard wreck of a human being.. constantly worried about my degree and future, having no idea to express my feelings to my parents due to the dysfunctions within and being tied down by taking a liking to girls I can never be with.
Friends and whatever things I do for fun (as a past time) are no long term remedy to my situation. After any outing, any games, any cig, I still remain the person that I myself detest, and today's incident just reminded me of it. I need help, I need a change in mindset, I probably need to live all over again.
