Exam stress still lingering. 3 papers over, 1 more to go. And I am keeping my fingers crossed about passing them, let alone score a 65%. I should be spending this precious time cramming management theories into my head but I ain't. :(

Began questioning myself during lunch.. "even if" I pass my exams, what if I don't get a 65%? Then I can't enter Clayton/Caulfield which offer the better degrees. And next "even if" I achieve a 65%, "what if" these 8 modules which I have taken in TMC (Seriously one of the worse place you can be educated) are taken into consideration of my GPA, how will it affect me if I want to take an Honours of Masters program?

arrghs. Did some surfing and I found this :

Applicants must have completed successfully a bachelor degree, with a major in accounting and/or finance offered by the Faculty of Business and Economics or an equivalent qualification from another university; and have achieved an average equivalent to at least 70% in relevant second and third year units.

I guess this is where I hope to be sometime in my life. Now I wonder if I have the determination to work towards that. *sigh* Cigs and stress, I wonder how much of my life do I have to enjoy when I become successful, that is 'if' it happens.

Suddenly the desire of having a girlfriend and the issue of loneliness has become the least of concerns. Monash? Masters? ACCA? LSE? Sigh, what can I do to make it happen?

Sigh! I am really not cut out for academics la! I give up, really. About 14 hrs away from my 1st examination paper. And I'm feeling more pressure than A lvls, O lvls and fking PSLE added up together.

I dunno, I really can't afford to screw this one up as time isn't on my side. Yet, my preparations prior to the marketing paper tomorrow is pathetic!I wonder if I have really put in the effort. Did play some games, but that's when my head was on the verge of an information overload! Fed up ah! I've stayed at home for the past 4 days, and over the past week, the only place I've gone to is my old house.

Progress started slow (I thought I had time) and gradually became slower. I can't seem to revise or even study a new chapter (since the whole fking text book seems new to me, Thank you Monash College lecturers) without forgetting another. I'd really need for "format c:/brain" and "install c:/brain/marketing" :(

Maybe I should have been selective about studying. Study smart, they say. Then again, till now, the syllabus for my exam later is still not clearly defined. Be selective, and you may miss out too much. Study all and you forget too much. What a trade off.

600 pages. 6 days. I've invested so much time in this that I've neglected my other modules - Accounting, Management and Economics. I'm really gonna need a miracle to pull through this one man!

Monash in June/July 2007? Doesn't seem to be happening now. Sigh. I wonder how my classmates are REALLY doing. Some seem to be taking it lightly, others seem to know their work despite studying less. Stress due to my own expectations, stressed that I am not getting younger, stressed about classmates, stressed about Kong Jiao Wei out doing me (which seems very probable now), stressed on what happens if I fail and be forced to retake.

AaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrrrrrGGGgHhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!

You Were Nice This Year!

You're an uber-perfect person who is on the top of Santa's list. You probably didn't even *think* any naughty thoughts this year. Unless you're a Mormon, you've probably been a little too good. Is that extra candy cane worth being a sweetheart for 365 days straight?

Were You Naughty or Nice This Year?

You Are The Wheel of Fortune

You represent the cycles of life, death, and rebirth. You embrace change, the the ups and downs of life. Fate is something you accept, even when you could possibly change things. Big things tend to happen to you more than other people. Your fortune: Something huge is about to happen in your life, and you have little control over it. You must accept your destiny, but luckily it is good fortune that has come your way. Big things and big changes are about to come your way. And while things will be intense for a while, they will be followed by a period of rest.

What Tarot Card Are You?

Your Hidden Talent

You're super sensitive and easily able to understand situations. You tend to solve complex problems in a flash, without needing a lot of facts. Decision making is easy for you. You have killer intuition. The right path is always clear, and you're a bit of a visionary.

What's Your Hidden Talent?

Your Personality Is Like Acid

A bit wacky, you're very difficult to predict. One moment you're in your own little happy universe... And the next, you're on a bad trip to your own personal hell!

What Drug Is Your Personality Like?

You Have Your Sarcastic Moments

While you're not sarcastic at all times, you definitely have a cynical edge. In your opinion, not all people are annoying. Some are dead! And although you do have your genuine moments, you can't help getting your zingers in. Some people might be a little hurt by your sarcasm, but it's more likely they think you're hilarious.

How Sarcastic Are You?

You Have Low Self Esteem 64% of the Time

You tend to blame yourself when things go wrong, regardless of whether it's your fault or not. You're anxious to please others and rely too much on their opinions. Learn to please yourself first, and your confidence will soar.

things.com/howisyourselfesteemquiz/">How is Your Self Esteem?

Your Deadly Sins

Envy: 60%

Wrath: 60%

Gluttony: 20%

Pride: 20%

Sloth: 20%

Greed: 0%

Lust: 0%

Chance You'll Go to Hell: 26%

You will die a boring death. While dying, you will be jealous of those who die dramatic deaths.

How Sinful Are You?

1.5 weeks of study break started on Friday. Finally done with assignments now. I always thought I would relish such periods of time where there's nothing to be concerned with accept mugging. But the lazy bones inside of me seem to be cutting myself more than enough slack. Took a break until today and that's officially 2 days wasted.

Gotta start bucking up :(

Received more concerning news over the week. I'll be expected to be the wedding car driver for two seperate occasions at the end of the year. On nOooo! 24th and 29th! Apart from the stress that I'll have to endure, I am not sure whether it'll concide with my annual 'Xmas and New Yr' celebration plans! Then again, it's gonna be a lonely one for the 21st successive year, nothing much lost.

Ang baos better be good mens. Or I zham brake let you see the bride fly far far har! J/k.

Anyone good in econs, management or marketing? Pls pls spend some time to help this poor fella over the next week.

pessimist	optimist

Geez, who rained on your parade? Okay, so you don't have the same Eeyore-ish attitude as a true pessimist, but you definitely aren't expecting good things to happen, either. Even when the weatherman is sure of sun, you carry an umbrella. And we're willing to bet that you're at least somewhat sarcastic — you like making fun of those suckers who are always looking on the bright side of life. You don't trust people readily; they have to earn their spot in your good graces. (In fact, you may even feel like you have enough friends and don't really need any more.) After all, nobody's giving you anything in this world — it's every man for himself. But you're not completely devoid of hope. Admit it: Somewhere deep inside is a tiny part of you that truly believes at least one cloud out there has a silver lining. Try listening to that part a little more often and see what happens.

....well, it ain't THAT bad afterall

Terry Thaddeus Tan's Aliases

Your movie star name: Containscheese Isonatablet Your fashion designer name is Terry London Your socialite name is Cherry Barcelona Your fly girl / guy name is T Tan Your detective name is Dogs Anglican High Your barfly name is Cornetto Gin Tonic Your soap opera name is Thaddeus Chin Terrace Your rock star name is Ricola Pearls Light Your Star Wars name is Terdie Tanesp Your punk rock band name is The Bothered Green

The Amazing Meganame Generator

Been busy over the past couple of weeks. Assignment due and lotsa added stress. I'm BARELY on schedule with my work and constantly feeling exhausted. Could be due to the swimming too. Did close to a hundred laps in 3 sessions since last week. Anyway, once again, I was thinking about my lifestyle during the trainride home.

Everyone has seem to have settled in another phase of life. Quek, Jit and Nigel are well underway in their university courses, not to mention Mr I'm-Gonna-Find-An-AngMoh-Wife-Who-Bakes-Me-Cake. Yx commissioned 2 days ago and would be in unit soon to come. We gonna see each other as often as before? =/

Been 3 weeks since I've seen Quek or Grace or for that matter, even Yx. Kinda feel bad not being able to game with him nor attending his parade. :( Almost a month since I've met Nigel and Qi, which was last at Quek's bday party, and for a brief 2 hrs. And the other time I saw him before that, was before Yh flew off. My.

I wonder if those carefree "Let's catch a movie this saturday" days could be that easily experienced again. I begin to think I miss army. (lol) Since '99, Upper secondary, JC and Army were challenges to our friendship. This's gonna be the toughest one yet. 9 more precious months before I fly off, if I make the cut. Hope to make the best of this.

May I suggest that we find a suitable date to chill out at some bar? I wanna knock myself out with alcohol, bury my face in some caucasian's knockers and find myself awake beside the Singapore River. If I've to experience headaches so often as it is, I rather it be due to a more exciting reason and not numbers or journals.

Alright, back to a fag, then the dancing hula girl and statement of financial position. Boring.

Ever been to a party or a gathering where you need to socialise? Then we see some unappealing people whom are probably the last on the list we'll want to speak to. "we dont deserve to see that buay song face of urs", "ya, that's being selfish" and "see ur face sian alr" are examples of how we judge people by their looks. They do not have to be fat nor hideous, portraying an unfriendly image has the same effect. And that, is rather disappointing.

I celebrated my 21st birthday with secondary school friends I've known for years, people who appreciate me for what I am. Not superficial JC friends, nor camp buddies who have since parted ways. Humans aren't like a book. You don't flip through the preface and hope to understand everything. And I'd like to thank those who had spared the effort to read through 8 years worth of pages about me.

Just as it seemed fine to have been viewed like transparent glass, I guess there's no obligation in making my feelings known either. I do humbly apologize for being insensitive, thereby 'imposing my emotions on others'. I don't have the luxury of a close knitted family, a sibling, a companion or for that matter, even friends without troubles of their own. Pulling a long face in school, or appearing tired, I guess they just reflect a tiny bit of the maelstrom that is actually going through my head. No one could really solve these problems. God? Lol. I begin to question if they had put me in this as a test in the first place.

But I really don't care. I'm past the stage where I was sensitive to what others thought of me. I've pleased enough, and it's about time I make my life of some value. An average 1 in 4 entries in this blog reminds me of what I've missed in the A levels, how much I hate myself for it, and what I should really focus on right now. And if the concentration and angst built up over the years contribute to me not smiling, I think it's a worthy trade off. Still could be a good friend who helps without being a goody-two-shoes and wearing a fake smile.

Can't convince anyone, but I'd rather be a paperback book telling a classic novel than a hard-covered limited edition FHM magazine. At least I know which has more value. :)

"Sensitive" defined as "Susceptible to the attitudes, feelings, or circumstances of others.." Have you had your sensitivity-check today?